[bakylotus]

MAHARISHI PHUCKNUCKEL'S GUIDE TO ZEN


1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.
Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.
Do not walk beside me either, just fuck off and
leave me alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with
a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

3. The darkest hours come just before dawn. So
if you are going to steal your neighbour's milk and
newspaper, thats the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air, it only becomes really important
when you aren't getting any.

5. Don't aspire to become irreplacable. If you can't
be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. Remember, no one is listening to you until you fart.

7. Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares whether you are dead or
alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

10. Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile
in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you are
a mile away and you have their shoes.