[ilikeoldchangke]

“Errmmm.. alright.. so … what do I say ? “Conor asked.

Right about then, Bobby got out of his vehicle. There’s no time. Gesturing to his talkie, I asked if he has another one of those.

Conor pulled another out of his sling bag and gave it to me.


We did a quick test and I told him I will guide him from a distance.
“Don’t worry, the commission is yours and yours alone. “ I said.

Conor put on his earpiece and stuffed the talkie into his pocket.

I positioned myself at the spot behind Bobby’s car, pretending I’m the owner of the Toyota in that opposite lot.
From there I can hear everything they say and I’m also near enough to stop things from getting worse.

Conor, dressed in the JDC uniform immediately caught Bobby’s eye as he approached him.

“ Wah. KNN(curse) , Ang moh also come and take debt collector job ah. You all want to fucking steal all our rice bowl si bo?” Bobby said in jest.

“Hi Mr Bobby, my name is Conor from JDC.”

“You.. you power ah. Foreign talent ah. Got degree in collecting money ? Real one or fake one. haha “ Bobby teased while tapping another cigarette out of his box.


“Mr Bobby, I believed we are here to discuss the debt of 150k owed to.. “

Before Conor could finish, Bobby cut him off in a condescending manner. He looked like he’s out to have a bit of fun at Conor’s expense. Probably thinking since he’s here to clear the debt, why not squeeze a bit of fun out of the guy collecting it .

“You come… what country.. what country ? “ Bobby asked in broken English.

“ I’m Irish.” Conor said.

“Wah lan eh ( WTF ) KNN ( curse ) , Singapore not enough Ah Beng ( gangster ) to collect money meh ? Need to employ you haha.”

“Mr Bobby, I would like to reassure you that I am more than capable of handling this collection in a professional…”

Conor gets cut off again before he could finish.

“ Professional ? Puay Kee Puay lor hai, Ang moh jiak gao sai. ( Go eat shit, don’t talk to me about your professionalism.) Hear before or not. hahah.” Bobby said while lighting up his cigarette.

“I don’t know what that means but I can tell it’s not a compliment.”


Bobby chuckled and told Conor to find someone else who understands to collect the money from him then.

I could not believe what an ass Bobby is. If he fucking has the money ready, just pay it and close the account. What is he after this kind of cheap thrill ?
He fucking gets off on putting people down and it gets on my nerves.

“You ang moh always think you si bei ( very ) big fuck. huh. Cycle on the road like you got pay road tax. KNN ( curse ) Fucking don’t know traffic rules want to yaya papaya. ( act proud ) Har. Point finger here and there. Lan jiao ( curse ) ah I tell you. “

I could tell Bobby is starting to get carried away and Conor is not taking it well.

“You think limpei ( self promoted title of father) like our Jenghu ( government ) ah. See you like god ah. Lan jiao ( dick ) understand or not. hahah.” Bobby said while thrusting his middle finger at Conor before grabbing his own testicles to reinforce his point.


His brutish behaviour is definitely going to be the trigger point here.

I could see Conor clenching his fist as he tried to remain professional but keeps getting cut off by Bobby.
It’s going to happen soon if I don’t do something.

Now, telling Conor to calm to will not be of any use. He is boiling inside and he needs to let it out. He needs to vent.

Just like a coiled up spring, the tension needs to be released.

I spoke into the earpiece without thinking.

“Conor, you need him to shut up. Say this to him in Hokkien. It’s not vulgarities. Say this to him. ‘ LI SI YAN DAO’ , say it forcefully and in his face.! “ I spoke harshly into the speaker.

Bobby was about to let loose another string of insults at Conor when the entire open air carpark erupted with the voice of an Irish man shouting in accented Hokkien.

“LI SI YAN DAO!! ( YOU ARE HANDSOME ) “

His shout was so loud that I jumped.
Bobby too froze on the spot at his sudden outburst.


“what ? what did you say? “ Bobby asked, absolutely flabbergasted at what he just heard.

Conor, apparently seeing the effect of what he just said, decided to say it again since it was successful in shutting him up.

“ I said. LI SI YAN DAO ! ( you are handsome !) “ Conor said it while pointing his right index finger in an aggressive manner at Bobby.

Bobby’s eyes widened and pointed his own finger at himself.

“ Wa SI YAN DAO ? ( I am Handsome ?) “ Bobby asked.

“YES. LI SI YAN DAO! ”

“ Wa SI YAN DAO ??? “ Bobby asked with his eyes opened wide.

“YES. LI SI YAN DAO !!!”


Bobby started raising his voice at Conor, taking it to almost a shout.

“WA SI YAN DAO ??? ” Bobby shouted again in a questioning manner, drawing the attention of everyone in the carpark.

“ YES that is what I said. LI SI YAN DAO AHHHHH! “ Conor returned his shout, losing his composure, jabbing his index finger within mere inches of Bobby’s face.

Bobby’s jaw dropped and he was just stunt like vegetable all of a sudden. He could not believe what was happening. It just hit him like a ton of bricks.


Conor, still unhappy with the verbal and racial abuse earlier, continue raining what I taught him earlier at Bobby with increasing aggression and passion.

“LI SI YAN DAO !!! you hear me ? do you.? LI SI YAN DAO….LI SI YAN DAO…. LI SI YAN DAO…..LI SI YAN DAO AH!!”

Bobby was shaking and on the verge of breaking out in laughter as he looked around the gathering crowd. He was trying to gesture to the others in the carpark to see if they heard what was happening.

“wa wa….wa.wa..… wa si yan dao ? “ Bobby asked Conor again, pointing his own finger with an incredulous look on his face.


Seeing that his earlier aggression and condescending attitude is gone, Conor kept up his rant.

“yes ! YES ah. You… BOBBY, LI SI YAN DAO!! You.. you BOBBY. LI SI YAN DAO!! “ Conor spoke in a raised voice like a gangster asking someone from a rival gang to a fight.

Bobby tapped his chest and opened his car door while panting away, trying not to laugh. He pulled out a bottle of water to take a sip and I guess Conor see this as his victory.

I spoke into the talkie again.


“ Conor, go for the kill now and collect the money. Tell him ‘ LI SI WA LAO PEI ‘. Do it with the same aggressiveness .” I said as I slowly backed away.

Obviously elated with the results achieved earlier, Conor followed my advice without question.

“ LI SI WA LAO PEI ! ( you are my father ) “ Conor said in a raised voice and Bobby expelled all the water he was drinking. “ Now pay me the money! “

Bobby, choking and retching out water by then was totally defeated, unable to believe his own ears.

Now it was Conor’s turn to lose it. He has tasted victory and it’s a potent drug.

“LI SI YAN DAO BOBBY !. LI SI WA LAO PEI ! “ Conor jabbed his finger hard in the air, venting his pent up frustration from earlier.

Bobby by then was squatting down and leaning against his car door. He lowered his body slowly, hunching into a small ball as he struggled to breathe.


“wa… wa si li lao pei ? ( I’m your father ? )” Bobby said and he looked like he was going to get an heart attack.

“LI SI WA LAO PEI !!! LI SI YAN DAO AH!! “ Conor said again in a louder voice and Bobby by then threw in the towel.

He was totally defeated. He just laughed and laughed. Bobby was shaking and drooling onto the floor of the carpark lot. His half finished cigarette now lying by the side of his foot.

Pointing to himself one last time, Bobby had a pained expression on his face and he could hardly speak. He looked like he was constipated.

His expression was so scrunched up that he might just collapsed. Conor kept his aggressive stance as Bobby raised a palm at him, tapping the air between them, signalling for Conor to wait.
He wanted Conor to stop talking.


Reaching into his vehicle, he brought out an envelope with the cheque prepared together with a transmittal form for Conor to sign.

Conor, upon seeing the money, softened his stance immediately.

Bobby pointed his finger at Conor, jabbing his index finger at him twice before switching it to a thumbs up.

“KNN ( curse ) you this Ang Moh….Si bei the good ah . You win…. I give you win. “ Bobby said while wiping tears from his eyes.


Bobby’s eyes were red and bloodshot from the exchange. He looked like he just cried.

“Awww gee man. Thanks ..dude. “ Conor said, unable to hide his happiness as he signed and took picture of the collected cheque.

Conor extended a hand and pulled Bobby off the floor but Bobby’s legs are not listening. I guess the shock has yet to settle.

I started breathing easier and did not realised I had soaked through my top with perspiration.


Conor looked for me in the crowd and he waved the cheque at me in a grateful manner.